Test of Strength

The stretch is never an easy place to be. Here is the place where you are offered two choices. The choice to let go and finish what you begun, or the choice to check out and leave the challenge that is facing you. I have had the privilege over the past few days to work with girls who are facing this very issue everyday, who are pushing through there pain and biggest fears to a promise much bigger than themselves. It is in this place where your freedom can be harmful to yourselves, a place where he is letting you decide where you want to go. This is the place where you humble your heart in your lowest of lows, and admit your weakness which is your blindfold from freedom. The test of strength will kick in. It is in this place when you find yourself laying in the bottom of the dark pit naked and cold with nothing else to hold onto but him. That is where you find your release. Nothing else will satisfy Nothing else will please your hungry heart. Nothing else will sustain you. Nothing else will bring you to a place of peace. Ive tried. But nothing is like my God. I want to encourge your pursuit of freedom, I want you to find a release in your weakness knowing he is making you strong. This is your test of strength, to surrender in this place.

pinned up.

I feel I'm most inspired to write in times I'm striving to understand an issue I don't feel like facing...
in saying that, We must not find our self-worth in what we do for others, or in gaining the approval in which others see us.
You will quickly find yourself depleted and withered.
We should find our confidence in the fact that we know God sees us, and at the end of the day he is where we should find the place in which we hold ourselves.
I want so badly for people to see my heart, but Ive been looking to the wrong source for my Justice.
[Answer me when I call to you,
O God who declares me innocent.
Free me from my troubles.
Have mercy on me and hear my prayer] psalm 4:1
...[I am the expression of the life of Christ because he is my life] Col 3:4
If I am his very own expression, how do I have time to question who I am, or crave the approval of another.
In facing finding myself, I refuse to loose myself in others along the way.
True Identity= Individuality. Individuality is not being afraid to question everything you believe in, and then take ownership in that. Think for yourself, don't let others write your formula to life.

Love,
Leah

All Packed.

It seems that every time I get a glance the light turns off and I have no chance.
It takes vulnerability to continually put hope in something you are not promised.
A dream which has sucked me dry, but I swallow patience to keep it growing.
Nothing ensured, but I still keep conceiving.
I'll keep walking with your hands over my eyes.
and I'll keep dreaming, although may dreams may be disguised.

You take me by surprise, each and every time.
I fear I will loose my strength in the seeking.
So let me sit awhile so I can find the courage to loose it within you.
All packed with out an idea as to where I'm headed.

- Your dear friend,
Leah.

My Motive.

My Motive-

Life has been tossing me aside with it's heavy winds and rain so cold it makes my bones feel like ice. My alarm attempts to wake me up at 7a.m. but I'll snooze till 8, and when I do finally wake I peel my To-Do list off my forehead to see what the day consists of. Brush my teeth,fix my fro...then I'm out the door. Meeting, meeting, another meeting, paper, babysit, coffee break, class, read this, read that, learn how to do this, learn how to do that, it never ends.
I quite often ask myself why?
It's not that I enjoy stretching myself till I'm as thin as a fat free Milano cookie. I desire to do the things of my heart and to get there I believe I must develop my character first. I don't think I knew what time management was before college. I don't believe my integrity had truly been tested until last year when I cheated on my first test and I had to confess my mistake before my teacher.
I don't think I would be the person I'm becoming without my motive.
My Motive- To live the life he has set out for me, and to take on the responsibility of the calling on my life. It doesn't happen over night...

The Island

I found myself on The Island with no map to get back.
I didn't know how or why I was there. I searched desperately to find a way off but noting looked promising... so I built myself a shelter on The Island.

Another week went by and I was still striving for a way out...
now my shelter had become my home.
I accepted my presence on The Island and began to learn.

I began to see The Island no longer as a place to escape, but a place of escape.
I saw The Island and the goodness within it.

I ate the fruit within The Island which kept me alive and well.
I became acquainted with the people who taught me more about The Island than I could see.

The people showed me the way they lived and the struggles which had brought them to where they had now stood, and I began to see the Beauty emerge from within them.
...The Island became apart of me. I had tried with everything in me to leave, to avoid something I wasn't comfortable with, but it turned into something I never saw coming. Something that challenged me, and I began to see just what he had planned out for me.

This place.

This weather has had a perfect feel, and the colors have started to bloom. I walk around with a new stride. I’ve never felt so fitted for just moving to a new place. As I walk through the streets I begin to look back on the times that got me here, the times I wanted to give up, wanted to fade away, wanted to leave the puzzle unfinished, but something in me kept pushing me through to the next moment. Although I am here, this isn’t my final destination, but where I am now has taken time. This place has taken sacrifice and prayer. This place has taken all my energy and heart, my passion and motivation. This place did not come easy. This place I find myself in took many of my tears and millions of my moments. It took patience and perseverance to reach it, with friends in the foundation of pillars holding me up to reach my place. Good things never come easy. I chose not to get lost in the process. When things looked impossible, boring, or unmotivating, my inner purpose lead me to believe something was up ahead.
I have such a rich taste of what it feels like to fully be alive living in this place. It was hard not get distracted by wildflowers and secret doorways along the way. Some steps I chose to take left me with heartache but it has only added to the richness of the purpose. It is not time to throw down the handle, but pick up the reign in the place I now stand.
And let us not lose heart and grow weary and faint in acting nobly and doing right, for in due time and at the appointed season we shall reap, if we do not loosen and relax our courage and faint.
Galatians 6:9

The Heart Trusts.

I trust him the way I chose to trust my Dad when he spoke to me as a little girl. If he told me I could be a fairy, I became a fairy, If he told me we were going to the carnival, we were going to go to the carnival, and if he told me "Leah, we are going to fly to the moon" then we were going to fly to the moon. Nothing was impossible.

"... I trust him. I trust that he will inspire the one who matches my heart to find me. That something within him, no matter where he is, no matter how far apart or close we are, no matter our family history or where we grew into who we are now, no matter how different we may be or look from one another, that he will pursue me. He will find me because he trusts God just as much as I do. He trusts and hopes for that moment when his heart hears my name and the moment will come when he and I will finally be, us three. He trusts that his heart will one day find me because he is looking through the one who knows himself more than he does. The one who knows the best for him. He will find me through his creator, and I will wait in hope knowing and trusting that my dad wants what’s best for me.

It’s such a mystery"

photo by Tim Walker