Sunday, September 22, 2013

 I most likely have learned more this past year than I could have squeezed in my four years at college. In saying that, I wouldn't take back one moment of each of those days. To gain your own Faith is something that shouldn't be taken lightly or without consideration. We've all grown up in a set of some sort of beliefs, religion, ideas, but to step outside of that and gain your own thoughts about life is a responsibility we owe ourselves. How can we live what we speak if we don't fully believe what we're living for. And to fully believe what we are living for takes experience, takes knowledge, takes honesty and vulnerability with our own selves. Unfortunately growing up, it hasn't always been the easiest environment to question things outside the box. I am absolutely grateful for where I was brought up, the church I went to, as well as the college I enrolled myself in. After graduation was the first time for me to leave an environment with a Christian structure and view. Even being in  New York, I kept myself hidden from anything else outside these walls as well (not that that was a bad choice). The moment I stepped outside of these comforts of belief that had surrounded me from the beginning of my existence, I began to finally think for myself. It's sad to think that many people are afraid of this concept. That possibly in questioning their faith or beliefs God might be disappointed in your curiosity. This here is really the opposite of God's heart for us. I think he would rather us turn from him for awhile rather than growing up taking the food we are fed, eating it, and not fully understanding the nutrients we are digesting. Its like living a religious life, going through the motions never taking whats actually being offered to you, and God is anything but religion, he's a relationship. I had the privilege of making a new friend through this expedition. At first I was very cautious because of our differences, but then learned the value he brought to my life. Despite not being on the same note in every area of our beliefs, we somehow brought harmony to each other. I can't fully speak for him, but I know how much he truly impacted my life. To have freedom to speak in a place of openness and vulnerability, given to me from someone who accepted what I had to say with no judgment gave me a glimpse of what God has been wanting me to do with him. I would hope that we could all be this open with one another, especially those of us that call ourselves Christians. The fact that I had felt more love and freedom with someone that wouldn't title himself as that was confusing to me, But a title can and never will determine the Heart of a man. That is to be determined through his actions, not through words that are spoken. Zane in Hebrew means God is gracious. This word means so much to me, not just because it's a crazy cool name, but because the weight of that word is something we should carry out in all our relationships. Grace is easily forgotten when the mind set of religion creeps in, but lets not forget God's grace for us is where it all began, so Who are We.

Photo Credit Toni Frissell

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

It feels like one of us has been gone, out of town for a while, and neither of us kept in touch. We knew we still cared, and loved, and thought of one another but spoke no words. And today, we met up for coffee and sat with one another and enjoyed each others presence but spoke nothing, and just shared the connection. In that connection understanding that one another never forgot about the other, and that you remained in my mind and thoughts all along. And in that I understood who you were to me. Although we didn't speak your eyes were always on me, your feet were always before me, and your heart burned for me to know. Although my eyes don't reach the understanding of yours, gracefully you gave me a view.
It's never easy in the desert. It's dry and harsh. It can easily steal all the moisture and leave you cracked and broken. Hopeless and alone, you think. Then you see him, standing behind you. Feeling your pain, with cuts and bruises exactly like yours. He Cares. You just must believe he's there.

Photo By:hita Nikdast

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

The pressure of change.


      It is quite hilarious when, you start a new season expecting it to go a specific way. The way in which YOU planned it to go. Then the next moment, you realize your uncomfortable, and you want things to be easy again.

This is where the Pressure of change is staring blankly into your face, asking whether or not your ready for the ride.
Change isn't easy, but from change growth occurs, and with new growth you become equipped, and when you become equipped...  

If it isn't hard, nothings moving. In your weakness he is made strong. In your weakness truth comes out, things in you are revealed that need change, that need pressure in order to get rid of. Let yourself be uncomfortable, let yourself grow, and let yourself be all you were meant to be. You could be the one responsible for holding yourself down. Get out of your way

Saturday, May 4, 2013

From the fall

I've been on this straight path for so long, and as I was walking I found a mountain, but I didn't just sit at the base, I climbed, and I didn't just climb, but I stood at the top, and I looked around i saw everything I've kept myself hidden from. Not only did I see, but I jumped into all I never knew- and i spun around with him, and after wiping around in the twirl of his wind, I fell to the ground and hit the rocks. There I laid unaware of where I was or how I got there. But then I woke up, and as I looked forward I saw the path, the same path I fell from not too long before. With grace surrounding I stood to my feet, and took a step forward, in motion I found myself back where I left off, cut and bruised I still found my way back to You. And You saw me there, and there I was, even more beautiful to You than Before.

Monday, March 11, 2013

Fear Of The Dark

A few years ago while I was in college, I came home for a break. One thing I loved to do when I first got home was to take a long hot shower, most of which took place at one in the morning. I sat in the shower, lights off, pitched black. I sat not only soaking in the heat, but also soaking in Gods presence. I opened my eyes to see, that I couldn't see anything. Not even the hand in front of my face was visible. I felt God ask me if this was the life I would be willing to live, A life within the darkness. By this I don't mean a world full of sin and darkness. The meaning was, Am I willing to live a life walking completely blind with my one and only direction coming from Christ. Surrounded by darkness there is nothing to see but only to trust the one who leads me. I thought to myself in the comfort of my home, and warm shower, of course I will. Yes. It is not until now where that question has really taken root and grown. That question is being answered everyday when I face it. My character, my dreams, all my hopes of becoming everything I hope to become, my reality, is questioned daily. Will I let you lead me through the darkness. I can't see what's in front of me, but I must trust it's good. When you start to question yourself, your circumstances, your value, your position, Trust God knows what he's doing. You belong to him, your his. Don't doubt, but let yourself be lead through the darkness without fear.
Photo by: Tim Walker.